How do you handle life transitions?

Change is one of the big certainties at all stages of our lives. Sometimes this change is planned and has a positive outcome, even if it’s stressful getting there – things like changing jobs, getting married, moving overseas or having a baby could all fit into this category.

And sometimes the change is unplanned and brings with it fear, loss and a sense of doors closing and life shrinking in some way – things like loss of a loved one, health changes, having to stop a favourite activity.

But either way, all transitions bring uncertainty, and uncertainty brings uncomfortable feelings – and the need to make changes and try new things without being sure of the results.

Whatever your situation, it is useful to embrace and accept the processes of transition as much as possible, sometimes easier said than done. As we get older, it can become harder to deal with change, though this is not as inevitable as the ‘old people are stuck in their ways’ stereotype suggests..

One thing we know is that people who have developed something called ‘accommodative coping’ do much better when faced with change in later life. This is really about learning to bend, not break, as life changes. Instead of trying to hold on to goals that no longer work for you — because of health issues, losses, or other things — you gradually adjust what you aim for and how much control you expect to have. Research with older adults shows that those who think ahead about possible changes (like needing help getting around, or having fewer people around you) and who gradually reset their expectations tend to preserve a more stable, satisfying quality of life, even as challenges increase. So it seems that letting go of some goals isn’t giving up; it’s a wise step to free up energy for new goals, goals that are realistic but also meaningful.

On the flip side of this, we know that without these adaptations, midlife and late‑life transitions can contribute to depression, especially if people feel stuck between their declining capacities and rigid, unchanged expectations of themselves.

Self‑sustaining mental well‑being as older adults is about finding ways to stay mentally and emotionally steady, even when life keeps throwing up new challenges. Studies with older people show that managing this well usually involves a few key things: keeping up their social connections, making time for activities that feel meaningful, trying to look at difficulties from a more helpful angle, and building daily routines to support mood and energy. Over time, these habits tend to reinforce themselves: each small success in adapting builds confidence and a sense of ‘I can handle this,’ which then makes it easier to adjust again when the next change comes along.

I have long been a fan of William Bridges’ work on managing transitions – his book called Transitions was first published nearly 50 years ago but his model is one I still use and recommend frequently.

Bridges distinguishes between change (the external event, like retirement, a loss, or a health diagnosis) and transition (the internal process of letting go of the old reality and coming to terms with the new one). Change can be quick; transition takes time because it involves your identity, meaning, and emotions.

Bridges says there are 3 stages of transition:

• Endings: Transition starts with recognising what is over and consciously letting go of old roles, routines, and ways of seeing yourself, even though that often brings feelings of loss or anxiety.
• Neutral zone: This is the in‑between period when the old way has gone but the new way is not yet clear, often marked by confusion, low confidence, and experimentation with new habits or goals.
• New beginnings: This is about gradually embracing the change, forming new understandings and identities, and feeling renewed energy and hope as new routines and purposes take root.

In times of transition,feelings of distress or being lost or scared are ‘just’ signs that something in your world is changing. Whether it is anxiety, resistance, fear or anything else, breathe into it, accept it and get to know it. If you can, hang around the neutral zone until you have a genuine impulse towards something new, ignoring the impulse to get away from unpleasant feelings as quickly as possible, to try any action even if we are not clear about the path forward.

It can help to talk things through with a trusted friend or a counsellor if the going gets rough. And sometimes all you need is time out with a friend, even if you don’t talk about your own life.

Most importantly, take extra care of yourself when navigating transitions. What works for you – is it long walks, time with friends, a fun book, your favourite music, nourishing food (or even chocolate)? Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend during a difficult time. It will help.